NQT - 50% completed it mate.

 When I envisioned my first year as a teacher this is not what I saw. I saw my own classroom, where I could fall comfortably into my teaching style and inspire students in the classroom, where my passion and enthusiasm had a home and where students felt safe. 

A number of things have made my NQT year hard. As for thousands of other NQTs across the world too, and the only thing that keeps me trying is knowing that surely this will be the hardest year. Right? Reasons why this WILL get better:

1. This year I am creating, molding, forming relationships with difficult students who barely know me,  next year they will at least have seen me work hard for them for an entire year.
2. Soon I will have my own classroom, my own space to control and manage, students will come into my classroom, not the other way around. (Is there anyone else really struggling with behaviour management when it comes to nomad teaching? I just can't seem to get on top of it and it is 1000% the hardest thing right now - to the point where the thought of face to face teaching fills me with dread). 
3. We will have a department again, surrounded my classrooms of teachers I know and can rely on. Knowing who's next year door to support your makes such a difference. Being able to 'park' a kid without worrying about bubbles and contamination will be a wonderful thing for quick win behaviour management. 
4. Planning - right now we're still planning new areas of curriculum for most year groups, eventually I will have lessons ready to go every year (save for some adaptations) , this will save me time I just need to keep working at high quality lessons now. 

But there are many things that teaching in the COVID pandemic has taught me; I can stand in front of a really bad lesson and still make it to the end; I can change my teaching no matter what challenges happen; I am resilient, I am flexible and above all, I know I am strong enough to be a success, I just have to keep trying. 

I guess this posts is for those that are struggling, for those that are watching success all around them and feel like they're drowning, like they are way behind their peers. We've got this, we just need to remember that we are in the middle of a crisis, no one is expecting you to excel right now. Survive this so that you can thrive when everything is back to normal for us, because that's where we truly grow, that's where we belong. 

Enjoy your half term lovelies, who knows what this next half term will have in store for us, just know it is normal to be scared about the return to face to face teaching. It is okay not be as excited as everyone else. We all have our own challenges and that's okay. 

Rest up and tell guilt to take a walk - things really can wait. 

Tayla